Right guys and girls, we know you aren’t playing around. You’re looking for someone fun and good-looking to play with tonight, but are sick of the weirdos you always attract from the adult personals. It’s time to start looking at spicing things up so that you can find the perfect partner for you… at least for one night only!

Your personals ad is going to be the main thing that attracts those people you are attracting, and it’s time to look at changing it to make it work better for you. If you’ve never created a personal ad before you in your life, or need a hand filling out that online dating profile “About Me” box that you dread so much, you’ve definitely come to the right place!

5 – Be yourself

If you’re five foot three, a tad overweight, and about as greasy as a plate of freshly-fried chips, whats the point in making yourself out to be a lean, tall, beauty with Australian-style bleach blonde waves, and a figure that anyone in Hollywood would be envious of. You’re planning on meeting up with these people for sex… Are you seriously considering the idea of luring them in under false pretences, and hoping they give in and have sex with you anyway, just because they travelled to see you? Life doesn’t work that way…

You need to be honest about the way you look, the things you like, and the kind of person you are. You wouldn’t lure someone into your bed to screw under the pretence of marrying them and having their babies, so why would you lure someone into a bar only for them to find out that you are a troll and not the beaut they were expecting. Don’t be stupid – you won’t get laid. They will more than likely call the cops on you for being a complete nutjob.

4 – Get to the point

“Hi, my name is Michelle and I work in the fashion industry. I love cats, new shoes, pink leather couches, horse shoes, butterflies… blah, blah, blah.” Do you know when most men would have given up on you? After the fashion industry bit. You need to put some thought into what you are writing here. These people aren’t interested in what you do for a living, or what you do in your spare time. They are looking for someone to meet up and have sex with. You must have know this already, you are filling out a personal ad after all. Get to the point – the stuff you know they will be interested in. Like the fact that you’re a size ten with a 32dd chest, for example. That’s the important stuff.

3 – I’m looking for…

If you don’t put what you’re looking for, how is that supposed to come your way? What are you looking for? Do you know what you’re looking for? Are you looking for a bit of no-strings fun, or a night of unbridled passion with a man whose name you do not know? Are you looking for someone to finally fulfil that fantasy where you’re naked and tied to the bed, and your partner does whatever the hell they want with you? They can’t find you if you can’t be found… You should probably be clear about what you want from the meeting.

2 – I’m XX years old

It’s not a nice thing to say but you might as well come out and say it because pretty soon you are going to meet someone form that site and they are going to know anyway. Be honest about your age right from the beginning. Some guys are looking for an older woman. Some men are looking for a 20-something year old “twinkie”. Get to the point – we need to know your age.

1 – GSOH

OK, so you’ve said you’ve got a GSOH or good sense of humour, and you are looking for someone with the same. Does your personal ad really say that you have a good sense of humour? Are you actually funny in any of it? If you’re funny, be funny. Don’t be a middle aged, stuck up loser in your ad if you’re the frivolous and carefree joker in real life. What’s the point? Try to show a bit of personality in your ad, whether its with a sense of humour, or a real bit of flirty banter. You’ve said it so you might as well show it! And as they say, if you’ve got it, flaunt it! 😉